tag:robinmordecai.com,2005:/blogs/songs-poems-and-other-words-from-the-heart--2?p=3Songs, Poems and Other Words from the Heart2023-11-22T07:41:00-06:00Robin Mordecaifalsetag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/73075922023-11-22T07:41:00-06:002023-11-22T08:00:04-06:00Breathe<div style="text-align: left;">Without you I can still breathe </div><div style="text-align: left;">But it’s hard</div><div style="text-align: left;">It actually kind of hurts to suck in the air</div><div style="text-align: left;">My lungs feel stiff </div><div style="text-align: left;">The act of breathing makes my eyes water</div><div style="text-align: left;">Or maybe those are tears from something else</div><div style="text-align: left;">I don't know anymore</div><div style="text-align: left;">All I do know is that I can’t stop</div><div style="text-align: left;">Or I’ll…you know…die</div><div style="text-align: left;">I have to move forward</div><div style="text-align: left;">Press on</div><div style="text-align: left;">Can’t stop</div><div style="text-align: left;">Even though each step hurts</div><div style="text-align: left;">And every breath is painful </div><div style="text-align: left;">And my muscles ache </div><div style="text-align: left;">And my heartbeats are off beat</div><div style="text-align: left;">I will continue </div><div style="text-align: left;">I will move on</div><div style="text-align: left;">I will get through this </div><div style="text-align: left;">I will be ok</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/73028042023-11-12T21:46:00-06:002023-11-13T01:00:21-06:00Im Tired<div style="text-align: left;">
<div>Im tired</div>
<div>My muscles ache</div>
<div>My hands hurt to move</div>
<div>My throat is raw </div>
<div>My chest still holds leftover anxiety </div>
<div>It will take my body time to recover</div>
<div>But it will heal</div>
<div>Though I worry of my brain</div>
<div>Holding on to the whatever it is causing these</div>
<div>I breath to let go and cast off the fears and doubts</div>
<div>Yet they seem to sail right back on the next tide</div>
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</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/73016162023-11-10T04:36:00-06:002023-11-10T05:00:17-06:00I Go<div style="text-align: left;">I go to face my fears </div><div style="text-align: left;">I go to find my peace</div><div style="text-align: left;">I go to fall in love</div><div style="text-align: left;">I go to feel release</div><div style="text-align: left;">I go to give my all</div><div style="text-align: left;">I go to find my heart</div><div style="text-align: left;">I go because without you </div><div style="text-align: left;">I’d surely fall apart</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/73006712023-11-08T09:37:00-06:002023-11-08T14:00:03-06:00A Symphony<div style="text-align: left;">When the baton dropped the music began</div><div style="text-align: left;">At first it was a quiet gently melody from the flutes</div><div style="text-align: left;">Singing softly of my love for you</div><div style="text-align: left;">With each measure the melody grew</div><div style="text-align: left;">The clarinets adding their moving harmonies </div><div style="text-align: left;">The strings began to explore a counter melody </div><div style="text-align: left;">As the brass sat quietly </div><div style="text-align: left;">waiting oh so patiently I did for you to hear this symphony </div><div style="text-align: left;">The baton moved faster leading the music up</div><div style="text-align: left;">Up into euphoria overflowing with fortissimo</div><div style="text-align: left;">The heartbeat from the tympani </div><div style="text-align: left;">Matched the intensity of the lower brass</div><div style="text-align: left;">Building to a climax when I turned to see </div><div style="text-align: left;">Nothing but a door closing behind me</div><div style="text-align: left;">The music began to somber falling slowly </div><div style="text-align: left;">From a forte to a piano</div><div style="text-align: left;">One by one little by little </div><div style="text-align: left;">each instrument made their silent exit</div><div style="text-align: left;">Leaving the melody behind </div><div style="text-align: left;">and putting their instrument away</div><div style="text-align: left;">Till all that was left was a single violin </div><div style="text-align: left;">Playing the finale line in a minor key </div><div style="text-align: left;">But before it could finish a string breaks </div><div style="text-align: left;">Though the baton had not yet stopped </div><div style="text-align: left;">There were no more players</div><div style="text-align: left;">So I softly sang to myself </div><div style="text-align: left;">Until one day forgot your melody altogether</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/73003072023-11-07T15:13:00-06:002023-11-07T18:15:09-06:00Thoughts 11/7/23I am afraid.<div>I have always been one to listen to my gut and currently, it's telling me to run. Run far away because something is coming and whatever it is is gonna hurt really bad. But I can't move, I'm stuck to the ground on which I stand. I can't tell what's holding me here, is it love? Fear? Some belief that my gut is wrong? I don't know, and perhaps I'm not meant to know which is equally if not more scary. The overwhelming sense of loneliness definitely has a hold on me today but truthfully I've welcomed its embrace. </div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/72985702023-11-04T00:24:00-05:002023-11-04T03:30:03-05:00I need to start now<div style="text-align: left;"> Its funny how certain events in one’s life can change you. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. In my case I’m hoping for the first. For me this event was a panic attack, a full blown, completely out of the blue panic attack at 3:30 in the morning. At first I didn't know what was happening, I start shacking all over before getting very cold even as I began to sweat. Fear was the first thing make its voice heard in my head. Am I going to die? Is this it? My heart was pounding out of my chest as I desperately tried to take in a deep breath. I finally realized, in a reprieve that last a moment, what was going one. I immediately laid down on the floor next to my bed, closed my eyes, put my hand on my heart, and began to breathe slowly in and out all while trying to keep my anxious, racing mind at bay. It felt like hours had passed when I finally tried to sit up but I was immediately dizzy and threw up all over myself. I knew I couldn't stand so I laid back, placed my hand back on my heart and began the process again. Breathe in breathe out. Breathe in breathe out. I began to think of all my friends and family that had reached out over the last couple of weeks with love and support. I began to think of my partner, my love, the woman that I am madly in love with. As I laid there, covered in vomit, heart still racing, cold yet hot, I realized that I needed to make some changes in my life. I needed to be better. A better partner and lover, a better friend, a better son. I need to change my view of life, I need to practice more, I need to speak less and listen more, I need to eat better, I need to exercise more. I need to do what I can to better the world. I need to write new music. I need to stop procrastinating. I need to conquer my depression and anxiety. I need to start now. </div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/72952182023-10-28T17:56:00-05:002023-10-28T20:45:03-05:00Pathetic<div style="text-align: left;">Pathetic</div><div style="text-align: left;">That's all I feel anymore. I'm fine one moment, broken the next. Uncontrollable tears come streaming down my face and the guilt and pain and insecurities and anger and sadness and emptiness wash over me. I wear sunglasses most days to hide the fact that I have been crying. I have lost control of myself and my emotions. My perception of everything is wrong but I'm too scared to ask for clarity from anyone. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to feel scared anymore. It's hard to write through tears but I'm trying. I'm trying to be better, I just want to be better but all I feel is pathetic.</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/72951372023-10-28T14:01:00-05:002023-10-28T15:45:07-05:00The New Normal<p>It’s odd being aware of your depression. Like an out of body experience you didn’t ask for. Watching and listening to your brain try and tell you it’s all gonna be ok but being drowned out by the anxiety has suddenly come to take up residence in your heart. </p><p>My heart. Now that’s a whole other subject. The loneliness and doubt in me are breaking it apart slowly. Im trying to glue it together even though I’m running out of glue and hope. Anxiety has become the landlord, they’re raising the rent and refusing to fix any problems. Maybe all it needs is an “I love you” there or a “You’re wanted” here. I don't know. You would think I’d know what heart needs. I thought I did but the doubt…the doubt is rising and consuming what confidence and hope I had stored there. </p><p>At least my brain is trying to help. At least I think it is. Some nights it runs wild with theories and insecurities. Those night mess up my stomach making me feel sick. It can last for days. Some times weeks. Until it becomes the new normal. </p>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/72951382023-10-28T13:39:00-05:002023-10-28T15:45:07-05:00Drifting<div>Drifting<br>Off the map<br>Over the edge <br>Lost</div><div>In the unknown </div><div>Cold</div><div>Reaching for…something? Someone?</div><div>So many questions</div><div>No direction</div><div>No compass</div><div>Is this it?</div><div>Is this life?</div><div>Alone</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/72944442023-10-27T10:27:00-05:002023-10-27T10:30:08-05:00you the one<div style="text-align: left;">i find it impossible to stop loving you</div><div style="text-align: left;">you the one who inspires me </div><div style="text-align: left;">you the one who shakes me free of myself</div><div style="text-align: left;">you the one who loves me in brokenness</div><div style="text-align: left;">you the one who sees through my walls and finds me hiding in my mind</div><div style="text-align: left;">you are the one i can't stop loving</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/70946772020-08-31T16:41:00-05:002023-10-16T09:47:01-05:006 years of brief thoughtsIve been working on this post for several years now, debating back and forth on weather or not I should post it. It's not perfect, you'll probably find grammatical errors, but it's honest. I wrote this more in spurts than in one cohesive session of thought but the over all topic is my depression. My debate with myself on whether or not to post this stems from the lack of understanding as to why I want to post this. Maybe it's for understanding of myself or as an explanation to others. Maybe it's both. Either way it's written and posted so take from it what you will and if you should judge me, and I know that many will cause I even judged myself, please do so gently. That is all I ask.<br><br><br>You know we all have those days when we wake up and feel that everything is right in our world. The sun is up, work is easy and fruitful, our loved ones are happy and life is just smiling at you.<br>Then there are those days when we wake up and nothing feels right and nothing goes right and for some reason we seem to dwell on the negative and we just can't push past it. Those are the days when we wanna sink into our holes to just forget and be forgotten.<br><br>I find myself wondering why I'm so concerned with what certain people think about me. The majority of the world can go fuck themselves as far as I care, but these specific people's opinions matter greatly to me, to the point of causing me great anxiety and stress, and I just can't figure out why.<br><br>Im lucky that my job lets me travel. I usually drive cause I'm hauling equipment such as sound systems and drum sets to new restaurants in which my dad books the music at.<br>I usually drive alone, which causes me to be lost in thought for days at a time.<br><br>People tend to think that I'm pretty happy individual and most the time I guess I am. Im realizing that I don't really feel happy much nor do I feel sad or really any emotion, Im just kind of there. Hiding behind my smile has just become second nature and have yet to find a purpose to step out from behind it. I have a therapist, I got a personal trainer, I eat healthy, I get to do what I love as my job, I have friends who love me and girls who are interested in me. My life doesn't suck! So why do I feel... or should I say don't feel anything.<br><br>I never understood why someone would cut themselves. Slicing open ones own skin to have "control over something" always seem so repugnant to me and in the end it just never solved anything. They still had there problems. But by the time I had sunk that low in my head to resort to the blade I was desperate to feel anything. And I truly mean anything. The pain that I caused myself was so welcoming, to know that I could still feel was relieving to say the least. But it was fleeting. By the 9th or 10th time the euphoric feeling had worn off and my scars were just another failed attempted at "control".<br><br>I have found solace in video games, books, tv shows, and movies. Anything to distract me from the boring story of life. I've found the high of all the good things I've done wears off quicker now days. Like a junky I return to the life hoping for a different out come this time, that the high will continue longer but it never does. In fact the high gets shorter. I write and write, sing, play and yet nothing seems to work. Happy is just not my default I guess.<div><br></div><div>Each paragraph in this post was written at different times throughout the last 6 years. It is August 31st 2020 as I begin this one and I still don't have many answer. Im still asking the same questions but many things have changed. New friends, new music, new places to live, new reasons to live, new relationships. I still have many of the same old habits but I have new ones too, some good, some bad. I'm happier now. At least I think I am, still not sure how this whole happy thing works. As long as those around me are smiling and happy then I'll get by. I think it's time to post this though I'll probably start another one soon after. Wonder what I'll write about?<br>
</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/59051512019-09-25T11:24:00-05:002019-09-25T14:30:36-05:00Need EnergyFor the first time I feel complete zapped of creative energy. I have had no motivation to write anything new. When I try to compose myself and scribble something down it just comes out as nonsense, gibberish that even I'm not even sure what I'm writing. My laziness has reached new levels and I'm trying desperately to bring it back down. Just wish I wasn't alone.Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/58845862019-09-07T22:21:00-05:002019-11-25T18:35:35-06:00Anxiety, You Whore!<p>Why is it that in the middle of a performance you decide that it's perfectly ok to punch me in the gut. You cause me to stutter and miss intros and forget words. I become so focused on how to make you go away that nothing else matters. You literally radiate off me! I began to sweat and shake and stutter as my body temperature rises. I hate you with every fiber of my being....but you're apart of me and I don't want to hate myself anymore.</p>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/58725422019-08-28T02:00:00-05:002019-08-28T02:05:08-05:004 years laterStill I ask a bunch of the same questions.<br>Still I look for meaning in all of this mess.<br>Still I write songs and playing music.<br>Still I work through my demons.<br>Still I wrestle with my addictions.<br>Still I make excuses for myself.<br>Still I try to do the right thing.<br>Still I mess it all up.<br>Still I learn.<br>Still I grow.<br>Still I pick myself up.<br>Still I continue to tramp a perpetual journey.<br>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/38350312015-08-28T11:04:00-05:002018-06-08T10:48:21-05:00QuestionsLast night I found myself awake at two or three in the morning, just lying in bed, thoughts racing. In-between all these fearful questions my head was asking,<div> </div>
<div>"Why am I alone?" "Why do I keep running from myself?" "I want to live a meaningful life, how?"</div>
<div> </div>
<div>I was having a moment pleading with my head to let me sleep. These questions were important but so was resting but my brain wasn't having it. So on and on went my thoughts, speeding thru my head, laying there on my back with my hands resting on chest, breathing in and out slowly.<br><br>"The album is finished, what's next?"<br><br>"Am I ready for this?"<br><br>"Should I go back to school?"<br><br>I am a why person, I've just always searched for the why in life. I want to experience this world, the people in it and the love that is here, but I don't know where to start. One day I hope to turn these blogs in to travel and life diaries but for now I guess they will just be my questions.<br><br><br> </div>
<div> </div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/36771632015-04-25T17:58:00-05:002015-04-25T18:46:21-05:00Love comes when we need itLove comes not when we want it but when we need it<div>It can wash over us like a cleansing flood or annoy us like a pesky mosquito </div><div>The choice we have is how we react to loves presence</div><div>We can let fear control us and run or we can stand and face it </div><div>Being scared is natural so don't let its presence ward you off</div><div>If your scared it probably means your heading in the right direction </div><div>Love doesn't come at the perfect time so you can't plan for it </div><div>You will probably miss it a few times before you notice it's there but don't worry it knows you're worth the wait.</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/36736892015-04-23T12:34:00-05:002015-04-23T14:46:11-05:00Just A ThoughtWe have all had those moments where we are pursuing something for a period of time and we come to the realization that we are not getting any closer to that something. It's at this point we find ourselves at a fork in the road. Do we continue pursuing or do we let it go? At only four months in to 2015, I have found myself at this fork several times. For all, except two things, I have decided to let them go, that they are just not meant to be at this moment in my life. I have found, in most cases, this is the right decision. Letting go does not mean that you gave up or you failed, on the contrary I think it shows great strength and faith in yourself. You can always come back to those pursuits at another time if you chose.<br><br>So what about those goals or dreams or choices or whatever you want to call them, that we choose to continue pursuing? The ones we have decided are worth our time, effort and energy. Do we sprint towards them or briskly jog or maybe just walk? I personally tend to be a sprinter, purely driven by emotion which tends to get me into trouble and can be easily misunderstood for just being plain crazy. Im use to this. So of the two things that I have chosen to continue pursuing, one of which is a personal matter, music stands alone at the top as both the easiest and hardest decision.<br><br>After 7 years of writing, practicing, listening and saying I'm gonna do my own album it's finally happening, but not with out a few road blocks and breakdowns. Somehow I have ended up producing, engineering, playing all the instruments bar two guitar solos and background vocals, and mixing. Needless to say I'm a little stressed out and with the road blocks such as booking studio time and actually being able to get in the studio with out life intervening, its not getting any easier. But I won't stop, actually I can't stop. There are certain things in our lives that give it meaning, which is different for everyone, and if we stop doing these things or never allow ourselves to pursue them in the first place then, I believe, we devolve into this sort of half life, doing only whats necessary and never truly knowing joy. To add a wrench in this, sometimes what we are meant to do and what we want to do are two different things.<br><br>In the end each path is our own and others can't choose for us nor would we want them to. Life is not about the mountain tops, though they are wonderful to see, but about the walking in-between. The journey that takes us there and teaches us the lesson we must learn, that is what makes life magical.Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/36688352015-04-20T21:39:00-05:002021-06-29T05:58:22-05:00Two ShipsI began to fall the day you decided to leave<br>Love had graced us but for a moment<br>And like two ships passing in the night<br>We sailed on with nothing but our sails waving goodbye<br><br>But my ship begin to sing<br>And it was you who stirred this melody<br>You who's touch ignited my pen strokes<br>Under which my notes turned to song<br><br>Bracing myself I turned the helm<br>I readied the canons lowered my sails<br>Setting a course after you and gaining speed<br>I soon arrived at my courage<br><br>I stood, I screamed, I yelled and it passed<br>The moment I mean in which I poured out my heart<br>The smoked cleared as my ship began to sink<br>For it was I who took the hit<br><br>Standing atop the tallest mast<br>I watched as your ship sail west<br>And like two ships passing in the night<br>You sailed on with nothing but your sails waving goodbyeRobin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/36586892015-04-14T23:07:00-05:002015-04-14T23:31:40-05:00Here's a thoughtSometimes love doesn't start off with a splash. Sometimes a slow trickle here and there that steadily gets faster and faster as it grows into a strong current flowing towards an ocean that is much deeper and wider than any splash. Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/33995622014-12-15T02:01:00-06:002023-01-31T11:31:00-06:00I think my time to leave has come<p>I think my time to leave has come<br>To push off into the unknown<br>To face the light would just blind me<br>So darkness shall be my keeper now<br><br>Maybe I'll find my peace<br>Maybe my soul can finally rest<br>But I already know my heart<br>Will never be still<br><br>For even on the other side<br>I know that it shall be yours<br>To beat eternally for only one<br>But not one to beat for it<br><br>To feel anything would be a blessing<br>But all I feel is a vastness of nothing<br>No anger or hate<br>No compassion or empathy<br><br>I do feel love however<br>Love of your soul<br>Love of your heart<br>Unconditional love that belongs to you<br><br>I've fought my demons<br>And shall fight no more<br>I'm laying down my sword<br>And shall let them swallow me<br><br>I can't fake my smile anymore<br>My mask has finally broken<br>My world turns the wrong way<br>And my finally puzzle piece walked away<br><br>So I do think my time to leave has come<br>I'm shutting my door<br>Drawing the curtains<br>And...<br><br><br><br> </p>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/33737712014-12-08T13:55:00-06:002021-06-18T11:10:28-05:00New YorkI have run away to New York City for the week to escape from what I can only assume is the depressing realization that I am about to turn 25. With only 11 days left till this deadline of adulthood I'm making an attempt to "find myself" in the big apple amongst the cultural scenes of music and art. Ive find myself staying in Harlem where, during the 1920's and 30's, a renaissance of the African American culture in music, religion and fashion took place. I've seen people from all walks of life trudging or strolling the streets of this massive concrete jungle. Having already figured out that this is not where my home is, I still hope to learn something about my place in all of this. Ever searching for my rhyme and reason my eyes and ears are open to the visions and audible scenery of this city.<br><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-giq2WFjhi74/VIX_iiavdiI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/Pb7KCFbjYic/s1600/IMG_3891.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="//2.bp.blogspot.com/-giq2WFjhi74/VIX_iiavdiI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/Pb7KCFbjYic/s1600/IMG_3891.JPG" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ElZd21p8c84/VIYAFxTAFsI/AAAAAAAAAIw/37YnddPeckI/s1600/IMG_3930.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="//2.bp.blogspot.com/-ElZd21p8c84/VIYAFxTAFsI/AAAAAAAAAIw/37YnddPeckI/s1600/IMG_3930.JPG" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gJoebJ4jaTM/VIYANPffzqI/AAAAAAAAAI4/iSdrdM_Vpxc/s1600/IMG_3934.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="//2.bp.blogspot.com/-gJoebJ4jaTM/VIYANPffzqI/AAAAAAAAAI4/iSdrdM_Vpxc/s1600/IMG_3934.JPG" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="320" width="213" /></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VZ9FGQmVHds/VIX_17FQlrI/AAAAAAAAAIY/BCc6b_v-2XA/s1600/IMG_3914.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="//3.bp.blogspot.com/-VZ9FGQmVHds/VIX_17FQlrI/AAAAAAAAAIY/BCc6b_v-2XA/s1600/IMG_3914.JPG" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="213" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Demon Squirrel</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><br><br><br><br><div><br></div><div>I have walked till my feet cramped, my lungs were frozen, my eyes red from the wind yet still I feel no closer to my goal. I don't have a map or a compass, but I have my gut and it's leading me somewhere though I haven't quite figured out where. </div><div><br></div><div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p76oamSZqCc/VIYABgwJYmI/AAAAAAAAAIo/Mecqg6Zx4pI/s1600/IMG_3926.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="//3.bp.blogspot.com/-p76oamSZqCc/VIYABgwJYmI/AAAAAAAAAIo/Mecqg6Zx4pI/s1600/IMG_3926.JPG" class="size_orig justify_inline border_" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>In leaving I thought I'd feel again. I had hoped that I could start to move on. But I still feel empty, alone and unsure of myself. I'm beginning to believe that this may never pass.<br><br>
</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764202014-03-11T00:48:00-05:002020-01-20T05:12:15-06:00I Think I'm Ready To Grow Up....Crap<div>
<div>My name is Robin. I am 24 years old, I live at home with my parents, I'm a wannabe musician/songwriter and I am a man-child. Ive had a somewhat easy life with a loving and supportive family, Friends who I care about and who care for me, and I have felt the sting cupids arrow (this is a recent development). So you could say I have a good life and you know what? You're right. It's time i stop taking it for granted.....maybe we can start tomorrow.. haha just kidding.</div>
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<div>I work for my parents when I'm not being lazy at home or hanging with friends. I try to write everyday though I usually end up watching youtube videos or finding some way to procrastinate, which honestly is quite sad seeing as I tell everyone I'm a song writer. I at least pick up my guitar most days and strum a few chords trying to write something but, as per normal days, nothing comes out so I grab my keys and call my friends, passing the responsibility of distracting me on to them. We usually sit around, having deep meaningful conversations that make me feel somewhat important about myself inside. But every once in a while I'll have days where I get lost in thought about what has been, what is and what will be. They can be wonderfully blissful days where I see about amazing my past is and how epic my future could be. It could also be painful to the point where I won't leave my house or talk to people. I remember all the times that I have caused pain to others. I wish nothing more than to right these wrongs I have done. </div>
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<div>I took a trip with my dad this last week to Chicago where he was helping open a restaurant. (My dad is booking agent, so he find the musicians that will play in this restaurant) I had never done anything like this before so I was following his lead entirely. His job has always somewhat fascinated me so I was finally getting a chance to see him in his element. I was so excited to do this, that in a meeting preparing for this trip, I opened my mouth and volunteered to drive to Chicago.....I live in Austin. When I walked out that day I asking myself "What the heck did you just do?" So now I had to drive the sound system that would installed in this new restaurant from Austin to Chicago....turns out its a really beautiful drive.</div>
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<div>My first stop on this trip of mine was to see my best friend John. We have known each other since we 4 and his the closest thing I have to a brother. We had fun playing games and talking about girls like we always do. Monday morning came early....like 5am early (seriously, why does this exist? such a terrible thing) But he had to go to work and I was off to see my sister in Kansas City for my second stop before Chicago. I arrived at about 3:30 that day and the kids had had a snow day so everyone was home and inside staying warm. My sisters has such a perfect awesome family, I'm so proud of her. You go Nancy! I spend two days playing my nieces and nephew then I was off to The Windy City, and let me tell you windy is an understatement. </div>
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<div>I arrived just in time for....rush hour...whoop whoop. So I got myself well acquainted with the red Buick in front of me and waited till my exit came. Finally I got to the hotel and valet parking was 60 bucks.....that's the cheap parking. HEY CHICAGO! PARKING IN YOUR CITY SUCKS!!! I got the car parked and my bags to the room just in time to leave again and head to the airport to pick up my dad. This was surprising easy. Usually airports suck but Chicago-Midway is pretty easy to navigate. So now begin the adventure. </div>
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<div>Now I spent the next three days watch dad talk with musicians around the area, meet with the managers and conduct his business on the phone and computer. We were also scouting other restaurants that had music seeing how they had there stage set up, talk with there managers and the musicians who could give us the low down on the scene. We had drinks one night at a place called Seasons 52 where we met a lovely bartender named Alicia. I have been learning a little bit about wine so I ordered some random red wine which she brought over. I swished that wine around in the glass and joking leaned over to my dad a said "I have no idea what I'm doing". She laugh and said let me help you. We had a very enjoyable conversation about wine for the next hour or so. But as I consumed several more glasses I begin to have this realization of what my life was turning into. I know! Random, right? Why was this happening now when there was a beautiful girl talking to me about wine? When we left I told myself that it was just the wine talking and it would be gone by the morning. Nope! I awoke the next morning with a terrible pain that had me considering never drinking wine again. The whole day I couldn't shake this feeling of inevitable failure. I begin to think of all the things that I want to have in my life some day. A family, success as a musician and songwriter, to have wonderful friends that surround me but I still couldn't shake this feeling. It wasn't till we got back in the car to head home that I realize what I wanted, what I needed. </div>
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<div>I have sat around and talked a huge game about what I am going to do in my life, and while i have done some pretty cool things, those things are not going to fulfill me deep down. I have some paths to pave, letters to write, money to pay back, rights to wrong and some wounds to heal. There is someone I need to see and there is music I need to write. I have a story to tell but the crazy thing is it's not even written yet! So I guess this it...it's time to grow up but I think I finally want this cause i'm ready for it. Here goes nothin! </div>
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<div>See y'all on the other side</div>
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</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764212014-02-01T01:46:00-06:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00Words, Actions and Fears"A good person can not live by powerful words alone, they must enact these words in ever moment that they are granted breath."<br><br>I have succeeded at many things in my life but I failed at many more. I do try not to let these failures haunt me, but I must admit I am still learning to push past these...certain fears I have. To be alone is one such fear. I have spent much time wondering if the road that I have chosen to take will lead me to a lonely and empty end. Will I look back on my life and smile or will I regret my choices. What will become of me when I die? How will I be remembered? Will I be remembered at all? All these questions push me forward down this road. I have stumbled and fallen many times. I have shattered my bones and crushed my spirit, metaphorically speaking, and probably will continue to do so since it seems to be the way I learn best.<br><br>In life we must grow and change with the world around us. To adapted is to survive. I will someday teach my children about my mistakes, in hopes that they will learn what not to do, though they will probably ignore my warnings just as I ignored my parents. If they are anything thing like me they will learn from trial and error.<br><br>To go back to the first thing I said in this post. I have said a lot of things in my life and I have broken many promises. I have let those I care for down and for that I am truly sorry. I wish to not only speak what I believe but also act and follow through with my words. It is hard to grow up and face the person in mirror when you don't quite know who they are yet. I am constantly reminded of my failures but it only pushes me forward. I understand now that I can not live by just my words, I must act if I am to arrive at the end of my road with happiness and love.<br><br>We must embrace our faults and move forward. Do not let your words be hollow, show the world that you intend to fill these words with your soul.<br><br><br>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764222013-12-14T21:38:00-06:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00ParisWhy do I write? What am I trying to accomplish? Maybe it my constant search for self that drives me in my writing. Or maybe it's my sense of wonder In a world that I am just starting to scratch the surface of. I remember sitting at my high school graduation back stage, waiting for them to parade us on, wondering to myself what happens now? A group of girls in front of me were talking about their plans for summer, others were talking about their college plans and how they are going to stay in touch. I just remember thinking that life only gets better from here and for me my next step was Paris. <div><br></div><div>My parents bought me a plane ticket to Paris as my gradution present, and, trust me, gradution did not come easy. It was a struggle from day one. But, as I stood there, waiting to take our seats on stage, it hit me that everyone else around me saw this as an end. I only saw it as a beginning. To quote one of my favorite songs, and, being a songwriter, I have many, called "Closing Time" by Semisonic,"every new beginning is some other beginning's end." I know that my high school life was ending but I hated high school, so I viewed it more as a "waiting period," and when graduation came it was like I was free to finally be myself. I never felt like I fit in and people were so judgmental, though, I admit, I was too, but I never liked that about myself. Anyway, back to Paris.</div><div><br></div><div>My traveling companion, who we will call Bert, was functional in French and would be my "guide" (as he called it), though he really was a terrible guide. I mostly ended up walking around Paris by myself cause I really didn't want to go at his snail-stuck-in-molasses-in-a-Canadian-winter pace. I wanted to see the city, eat the food, meet the women, and write. I was going to use this experience to start my growth into the man I wanted to be not the boy I was, and in some ways, still am. Growth takes time. </div><div><br></div><div>One story comes to mind, as I write this now: I was sitting in the garden at the Rodin museum. I was staring at the Gates of Hells, a giant sculpture by Rodin, and I began writing:</div><div><br></div><div>"In the garden of Rodin </div><div>Where the thinker thinks</div><div>I hear people hurry on</div><div>I<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">n the shadows I sit </span>
</div><div>Listening to those </div><div>Who wish they knew it all</div><div><br></div><div>In the hall of Rodin </div><div>Where the walking man stands still</div><div>I see people moving past</div><div>In the lights </div><div>I see those </div><div>Who wish they were young again</div><div><br></div><div>Outside the Gates of Hell</div><div>Where Adam and Eve stand aside</div><div>I feel people gaze upon them</div><div>In the dark I stand</div><div>I feel those </div><div>Who wish they were, fall"</div><div><br></div><div>Now why this memory of that particular museum, out of the many I visited, stuck out, I have no idea. But I do wish to return there and sit in the same place and see what I saw then. I remember how I felt when I came home after that trip. I was very different, yet the same. It was a good feeling. I often wonder about the people I graduated with and how they are doing. Maybe our paths will cross again, but, for now, I will continue on my own.</div><div><br></div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764232013-12-13T23:30:00-06:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00ExplodeI feel like I am about to explode. <div>Curling my fingers, I suffocate the air in between them and my palm as I make a fist. </div><div>I want to break something, shatter it into nothing. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Twisting my body I load my ammunition in hand.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">And as if someone flicked a switch, I spun my body hurling my bullet into the wall before me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My vocal cords vibrate with the angered passion of my hatred.</span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Why this emotion?</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">All this for what?</font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">To use words seems impossible.</font></div><div><br></div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764242013-10-22T02:03:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00He Stands AloneHe stands alone with his microphone<br>doust in cologne hair over blown<br>standing here to atone so on and on he goes<br>About how life was then how good he'd been<br>before life was thin before came the men<br>to steal from him his dream so on and on he goes<br>Trying to dislodge their lies from their minds<br>so he can try for better times<br>and now he cries seeing there stale, cold faces but on and on he goes<br>Pleading for more hes on the floor<br>begging those whores to leave through those doors<br>but its as it was before so on and on he goes.<br>He sits out of tune in his padded room<br>proclaiming his lun-acy to noone. <br><br><br>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764252013-09-23T09:19:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00WeWe fall we spin we twirl we dance <div>As if we strive to fake romance</div><div>We stumble and shake across this floor</div><div>As love walks gently out the door</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764262013-08-24T18:10:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00An Old Blog PostI went digging the other day and found the first blog I every started. <br>This was the only post I ever published in it. <br>I am still asking these questions. I wrote this when I was 16.<br><br><br><br><br>"I'll begin this blog with a question. Why do people care about impressions? Is it because the more people like us the more we are comfortable with ourselves? Maybe its a social status thing? I struggle with this. For some reason I thrive to be the center of attention, yet when the spot light is on me I freeze. I become aware that people are watching and I shrink back to being five in my first school play and forgetting the lines.<br>There are other moments when I just don't care about what people think. They're entitled to their own opinion, but frankly I just don't give a rats ass what that opinion is. I don't want to be judged for one moment in time when you barely knew me. Judge me after you know me, then at least its fair to me.<br>This sets kind of a dark tone for this blog, so if you happen to read this before my next blog post I promise I'm not some depressed person writing for sympathy. I write to understand."<br><br><br><br><br><br>I remember the day I wrote this. I was trying to figure out the whole high school click thing. I just didn't understand, and part of me still doesn't, how people would act a certain way around certain groups and then change drastically around others. I remember finding it almost insulting in a way.<br>So why do we care so much? What do we honestly have to gain? I will definitely continue this thought at a later date. If you wish you to comment your thought and/or opinions, do so. I would love to read them. Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764272013-08-22T10:52:00-05:002021-06-19T01:04:19-05:00No titleDeep beneath the pale white of my skin<br>Lies a dormant man with soft out stretched hands<br>Under this optimistic demeanor <div>Lies a scared and broken heart </div><div>To know the world </div><div>To breathe the air of happiness</div><div>Pain is the first step you must take</div><div>The true test of this is taking the second step </div><div><br></div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764282013-08-18T15:07:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/vnKZ4pdSU-s/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/vnKZ4pdSU-s&source=uds">
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<embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/vnKZ4pdSU-s&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div><span class="userContent">Love</span><br><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent">Something I believe that everyone, at some point or another, has taken for granted, lost, fallen into, wish we had, pushed away, run from or run to.</span><br><span class="userContent">But if you're lucky you've felt all of those and more.</span><br><span class="userContent">When you lose something you love, whether it be a toy, an article of clothing, or an item that just meant a lot to you, it bothers you but you begin to search for it with a straight head. You start at the last place you saw it and work back from there till eventually you find it or you give up and move on. </span><br><span class="userContent">But when you lose someone you love it stops you where you stand. It changes you, your habits, the way you think, your purpose. Its as if the path you were on just disappeared and now you're left standing in the middle of nowhere trying to carve a path towards a destination you don't know, in a direction you can't figure out. You lay there in the mornings trying to motivate yourself but all you do is roll over. Every task, whether big or small, seems menial. Whats the point of trying if you cant share it with that one person.</span><br><span class="userContent">But even in losing someone love is still there. It teaches us patience, understanding, compassion and many other wonderful lessons that we can use to grow and become who we are meant to be. </span><br><br><span class="userContent">Love knows not of boundaries </span><br><span class="userContent">Love holds no grudges</span><br><span class="userContent">Love sees the heart in its truest form </span><br><span class="userContent"> yet still indulges </span><br><span class="userContent">Love drives the heart and mind insane</span><br><span class="userContent">Love will break the insecure chains</span><br><span class="userContent">Love will test ones faith</span><br><span class="userContent"> yet still never refrain</span><br><span class="userContent">Love for her has shown me this</span><br><span class="userContent">Love always wins when faced with darkness</span><br><span class="userContent">Love never fails even when I did</span><br><span class="userContent"> yet still her heart loves me regardless</span><br><span class="userContent">Love reaches deep in the soul</span><br><span class="userContent">Love seals our dark holes</span><br><span class="userContent">Love may not show us the lighted path</span><br><span class="userContent"> yet still it guides us home</span><br><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><br>“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” <br>―<span itemprop="name"> Kahlil Gibran</span><span class="userContent"> </span><br><br>“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” <br>― Dr. Suess<br><br>"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."<br><div>—Lao Tzu<br><br>I encourage everyone who reads this to fall in love just like the poets and romantics. Love deep, love full and find that someone who makes you question everything except the love the two of you share.<br>Neil Hilborn, the man in the video, was changed forever by one person who he loved and loved him in return, sadly she left but he was forever changed by the love that they shared. Find the love that will change you. I end with this short sonnet by Pablo Neruda<br><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><br>“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” <br>― Pablo Neruda <span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span><span class="userContent"><br></span>
</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764292013-08-16T01:27:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00My Day Began And Ended With YouMy day began <br><br>I would watch the morning light reflect off your skin<br>As I gently kissed your neck to wake you. <br>And when your eyes would open to see the new day<br>I would kiss your lips softly so I could feel again the love we had.<br>My hands would wonder over your body searching for nothing but your embrace<br>And when you finally wrapped your arms around me<br>You would say "Good Morning" as your lips curled into that smile.<br>That smile was one of many reason I fell in love with you.<br>Time was always against us whether it be work or school<br>Yet somehow our mornings together seemed perfect.<br>As if to say this love was held by no time<br>But simply by two lovers heart.<br>When the hour finally came upon us to rise and shuffle off<br>My whole day would be spent thinking of your skin in the morning light.<br><br>I watch the minutes tick away waiting for work to end<br>Longing to be next to you, to hold you.<br>When the time clock rang and the door flung open<br>My heart took flight as if to lead me home to you.<br>In a blaze of passion I rushed through the street<br>As my subconscience guided my hands on the wheel.<br>And when I arrived at your door and you answered<br>I would sweep you off you feet and kiss you.<br>Carrying you up stairs to your bed I would lay you down<br>Kissing every inch of you so you could feel the love in my heart.<br>The love I held in all day waiting to touch you <br>Wanting to feel you skin on mine.<br>Laying in that bed with you, watching you fall asleep<br>I found my heart skipping beats from pure joy.<br>When night finally feel and your eyes closed <br>I would gently kiss your neck<br>And whisper in your ear "Goodnight my darling, I love you".<br><br>and ended with you Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764302013-08-15T22:44:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:42-05:00Cleansing RainIts going to rain<br>What a beautifully metaphoric way to close this chapter<br>Its waters will wash away these broken pieces,<br>Clean my slate and hidden beneath there drops will be my tears.<br><br>I watch as the cumulonimbus clouds roll towards me across the sky<br>Bringing the thunder and cleansing waters.<br>I step outside to greet the weather<br>But meet only my past who greets me like a long lost brother.<br><br>I begin to feel water on my cheek as he asks me how I've been<br>This rain didn't feel clean and fresh<br>It was salty and filled with my mistakes<br>Where was my cleansing rain<br><br>The sky opened up as we sat outside my door and talked<br>As we came to an lull he ask me on a walk.<br>Speaking only when spoken to, I chose my words carefully <br>And I was quite proud of how my words came out so gracefully<br><br>But he knew what was hidden behind my oh so dreadfully chosen words<br>He could feel my pain and he knew it all to well<br>As the tears began to fall and flood my face<br>He smiled and said there is your cleansing rainRobin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764312013-08-13T02:41:00-05:002020-08-26T04:51:49-05:00Are We Good?Are we good? you ask<br>as if I can give you a straight no or yes<br>as if I can think straight when you're in that dress<br><br>Are we good? well then answer me this<br>when is the line crossed?<br>can I tell you that my minds lost<br><br>Am I crossing the line if I say<br>you make me a better man with every passing day<br>that when I lay eyes upon you I swear to change my ways<br><br>Am I crossing the line if I say<br>I want a second chance to be your man<br>To prove that I can love you better than ANYONE can<br><br>If honesty is what you want<br>Is it possible to be to honest with my emotions<br>can what I'm feeling cause that big of a commotion <br><br>If honesty is what you want<br>then honest is what I'll be just for you<br>cause you deserve THE BEST through and through<br><br>I am TERRIFIED of losing you<br>I am scared of telling the truth<br>what if I say to much and you leave<br><br>I am TERRIFIED of losing you <br>my heart stops at the thought<br>and I quickly become distraught<br><br>So are we good?<br>Part of me wants to say yes<br>so we can move forward and pass this test<br><br>So are we good?<br>the other half SCREAMS no<br>cause I still have more to say so....here I go<br><br>When you move my world stops.<br>I break from my pace just to stare at what the romantics could only imagine that beauty is<br>When you speak my heart drops<br>Your voice sings with every word you say which then resonates in my head all day<br><br>You touch me and I freeze<br>Every nerve in me begins to thrive as if to let me know I'm alive<br>You breath and I forget how<br>I am left breathless, frozen and awestruck with your presence in my life<br><br>So are we good you ask?<br>that is a not so simple task<br>I'm afraid I dont have a straight answer<br>so ill just say this<br><br>If you need space its yours<br>If you need time its yours<br>If you need silence its yours<br>If you need to speak my ears are yours<br>If you need to be held my arms are yours <br>If you need a friend I'm yours<br>If you need love my heart is yours<br><br>you need to grow I must confess so do I<br>you're ready for more so spread your wings and fly<div>just know that when you fall my arms will be your net<br>what ever I am to you I promise to be the BEST<br><br>I rather go down with the titanic then sail away with out you<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
</div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764322013-08-11T22:14:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00MoveUpon weary feet I stand while the pulse of the Latin band plays on.<div>I feel the beat move over my skin and seep into my veins making my legs move</div><div>To the groove that the drums make.</div><div>Giving into the rhythm of the night I find I am no longer tired from my long day but I have caught my second wind. </div><div><br></div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764332013-08-11T19:03:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00Wooden wingswith painted eyes<br>i see these airbrushed skies<br>i watch you fly away <br>in to them<br><br>with your wooden wings<br>that weigh so heavily <br>on your hopes and dreams<br>that you seek<br><br>why don't you cut them off<br>and build yourself a house<br>where you can rest your head <br>tonight<br><br>i see your tears at night<br>of what you try to hide<br>your pillow soaked <br>with all your fears<br><br>some times you wake up screaming<br>at the thought of leaving<br>all your comforts behind<br><br>i think that you should try <br>for a better life <br>than one where you hide <br>your eyesRobin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764342013-08-10T21:04:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00Broken stickI walk with a broken stick<div>Broken from my anger</div><div>Anger from being what I am</div><div>I am what I don't want to be</div><div>I want to be to better</div><div>But I am only getting worse</div><div>Worse like a rising storm</div><div>Some day I hope to fix my broken stick </div><div>But for now I shall remain broken</div><div><br></div>Robin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764352013-08-09T15:56:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00The TreesUpon my balcony I see<br>The weathered trees<br>Whisper songs to me<br>Through their leafs<br><br>I feel the air<br>Blow through my hair<br>And with it dare<br>To travel there<br><br>There where the song begins<br>And travels to me upon the winds<br>And to my ear is where it sends<br>The song to me that has no end<br><br>I raise my hand to grasp the breese<br>But feel a quiver in my knees<br>As I stand to great the trees<br>I shake just like the wind rushing through the leafsRobin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764362013-08-09T15:54:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00Would YouIf I gave my hand<br>Would you take it<br>Or swat it away<br><br>If I gave my arms<br>Would you let me hold you<br>Or would you leave<br><br>If I gave my chest<br>Would you rest your head<br>Or push me away<br><br>If I gave my heart<br>Would you hold it with care<br>Or would you crush it into dustRobin Mordecaitag:robinmordecai.com,2005:Post/30764372013-08-09T15:51:00-05:002014-07-14T21:31:43-05:00Tears From The HeartI have cried tears from the heart<br>And bled from the soul<br>Though I am still tested<br><br>I seek to taste the kiss of love<br>And feel the touch of grace<br>Though I am still lost<br><br>I wait for patience<br>And hasten for wisdom<br>Though I am still a child<br><br>I want for purpose<br>And need for fulfillment<br>Though I am still empty <br><br>I pray for guidence<br>And search for truth<br>Though I am still scared<br><br>I am surrounded by love<br>And held by a lover<br>Though I am still alone<br><br>I climb through the thorn bushes<br>And bleed with every prick<br>Though I am still pressing on Robin Mordecai