I Think I'm Ready To Grow Up....Crap

My name is Robin. I am 24 years old, I live at home with my parents, I'm a wannabe musician/songwriter and I am a man-child. Ive had a somewhat easy life with a loving and supportive family, Friends who I care about and who care for me, and I have felt the sting cupids arrow (this is a recent development). So you could say I have a good life and you know what? You're right. It's time i stop taking it for granted.....maybe we can start tomorrow.. haha just kidding.

I work for my parents when I'm not being lazy at home or hanging with friends. I try to write everyday though I usually end up watching youtube videos or finding some way to procrastinate, which honestly is quite sad seeing as I tell everyone I'm a song writer. I at least pick up my guitar most days and strum a few chords trying to write something but, as per normal days, nothing comes out so I grab my keys and call my friends, passing the responsibility of distracting me on to them. We usually sit around, having deep meaningful conversations that make me feel somewhat important about myself inside. But every once in a while I'll have days where I get lost in thought about what has been, what is and what will be. They can be wonderfully blissful days where I see about amazing my past is and how epic my future could be. It could also be painful to the point where I won't leave my house or talk to people. I remember all the times that I have caused pain to others. I wish nothing more than to right these wrongs I have done. 

I took a trip with my dad this last week to Chicago where he was helping open a restaurant. (My dad is booking agent, so he find the musicians that will play in this restaurant) I had never done anything like this before so I was following his lead entirely. His job has always somewhat fascinated me so I was finally getting a chance to see him in his element. I was so excited to do this, that in a meeting preparing for this trip, I opened my mouth and volunteered to drive to Chicago.....I live in Austin. When I walked out that day I asking myself "What the heck did you just do?" So now I had to drive the sound system that would installed in this new restaurant from Austin to Chicago....turns out its a really beautiful drive.

My first stop on this trip of mine was to see my best friend John. We have known each other since we 4 and his the closest thing I have to a brother. We had fun playing games and talking about girls like we always do. Monday morning came early....like 5am early (seriously, why does this exist? such a terrible thing) But he had to go to work and I was off to see my sister in Kansas City for my second stop before Chicago. I arrived at about 3:30 that day and the kids had had a snow day so everyone was home and inside staying warm. My sisters has such a perfect awesome family, I'm so proud of her. You go Nancy! I spend two days playing my nieces and nephew then I was off to The Windy City, and let me tell you windy is an understatement. 

I arrived just in time for....rush hour...whoop whoop. So I got myself well acquainted with the red Buick in front of me and waited till my exit came. Finally I got to the hotel and valet parking was 60 bucks.....that's the cheap parking. HEY CHICAGO! PARKING IN YOUR CITY SUCKS!!! I got the car parked and my bags to the room just in time to leave again and head to the airport to pick up my dad. This was surprising easy. Usually airports suck but Chicago-Midway is pretty easy to navigate. So now begin the adventure. 

Now I spent the next three days watch dad talk with musicians around the area, meet with the managers and conduct his business on the phone and computer. We were also scouting other restaurants that had music seeing how they had there stage set up, talk with there managers and the musicians who could give us the low down on the scene. We had drinks one night at a place called Seasons 52 where we met a lovely bartender named Alicia. I have been learning a little bit about wine so I ordered some random red wine which she brought over. I swished that wine around in the glass and joking leaned over to my dad a said "I have no idea what I'm doing". She laugh and said let me help you. We had a very enjoyable conversation about wine for the next hour or so. But as I consumed several more glasses I begin to have this realization of what my life was turning into. I know! Random, right? Why was this happening now when there was a beautiful girl talking to me about wine? When we left I told myself that it was just the wine talking and it would be gone by the morning. Nope! I awoke the next morning with a terrible pain that had me considering never drinking wine again. The whole day I couldn't shake this feeling of inevitable failure. I begin to think of all the things that I want to have in my life some day. A family, success as a musician and songwriter, to have wonderful friends that surround me but I still couldn't shake this feeling. It wasn't till we got back in the car to head home that I realize what I wanted, what I needed. 

I have sat around and talked a huge game about what I am going to do in my life, and while i have done some pretty cool things, those things are not going to fulfill me deep down. I have some paths to pave, letters to write, money to pay back, rights to wrong and some wounds to heal. There is someone I need to see and there is music I need to write. I have a story to tell but the crazy thing is it's not even written yet! So I guess this it...it's time to grow up but I think I finally want this cause i'm ready for it. Here goes nothin! 

See y'all on the other side

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